...and thanks for all the fish.

Every day, I am struck by the wonder of love. Truly incredible.

Still at 70%... though in just a couple weeks, things will finally be 100%!

I think I'm done with birthdays from now on.

I think I'm going to put this space on the shelf for right now... not keeping up with it the way I would like, and I'm seeking more interaction and responsiveness than this is providing me. For those few who look here, you know where else to find me.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article4788191.ece

I mean, really... it's late, you're drunk, you try to open the car door and instead - WHAM! The dam is wide open. *laugh* Srsly? A key fob?

Sickening, disgusting cuteness... just don't give a damn - sorry, folks... but you're just gonna have to cope. :)

the booth is shuttered and the stage unkempt
where memory kept up the rent with showings
of old tragedies and feeble-minded puppeteers
but the crowds no longer come and fill the seats
one day the projectionist left his dusty confine
the neighborhood no longer the familiar haunt
crumbling under the weight of passing years
aged brick bound with a weeping mortar
a hopeful vigil held in vain, seeking return
to the familiar days of the Depression
where pittance was exception to absence
one day, this place too will be razed and lost
purpose past, a false front to a old facade
there is no need left for this darkened hall
all tickets punched for an empty set
the sign outside reads - "this space for let"

Avast ye swabs, and prepare for sleepless nights upon a tawdry sea... Yarrr!

Journals, goals, planning...  booga - what will I be doing next?  *laughs*


In the next year, the goals that I will complete are...

Move to Atlanta,

Sort through belongings and eliminate clutter of all forms.  I can choose what I want to carry forward with me.

Continue to lose weight.  At this point, since 12/1/07, I have lost roughly 65 pounds; my goal is to continue to a weight of 220 pounds as an initial target.  I recognize that as I continue to get in shape, my functional weight may increase - or I may determine that I need to lose more - but I need to reach this level as a starting point to be able to rebuild my body in a healthy manner.

Learn about my body and gain understanding...  we've fought long enough, and I'm tired of losing in the end.

Quit smoking.  Cigarettes are kicking my ass, and it's time to kick back.

Tell those I love how I feel - often.

Establish new business plan for Black Page Productions in order to accommodate new goals, priorities, location and timeframes.

Select a school in Atlanta for finishing my composition degree.

Breathe.


This is the future I have chosen; these are all things I can do.

Sometimes, my mind works in ways that startle me...  for example, in reductive terms, I will be moving in 50 weeks.  When I think about a year, it seems so far away - when it is reduced to weeks, things lock much more quickly into perspective, into priority...  it helps see the path to go where I want.  For me, this is a intrinsically different modality...  yet it is comfortable beyond understanding, stride changed with astounding ease.  All too often, the smallest things became obstacles...  now the greatest challenge considered is the one chosen to be overcome.  

As I have been going through boxes and such, trying to compact and discern what will remain of importance in my life, I found a stack of papers that I had kept posted at my desk some eight years ago...  while they seemed pertinent then, they take on a different relevance when the present is considered instead:

    First say what you would do, then do what you have to do.  (Epictetus)

    Age quod agis.  (Do what you do, and do it with all of yourself.)

    If you can imagine yourself not doing what you're doing, do something else.  Do whatever it is that you can't not do.

    I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts, but they need constant attention and one day I decided I had better     things to do.

    The credit belongs the the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who     errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who     at best, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall         never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

There is so much to do, and so much to look forward to.

Never having been one to keep a journal, starting such is a curious endeavor...  for even those who share the periphery of my life rarely glimpse beyond those facets needed at the time.  Suddenly, things have changed in my world and I am glad for it...  it is a strange and peculiar realization that for the first time, there is something so very comfortable, so natural and yet unexpected that there are no questions about how I feel or what happens next.  The smallest of things are those I miss the most...  the light touch of her hands whilst passing in the kitchen, laughter from another room...  all those years ago, I could never have imagined the splendor of days awash in wonder.  Now I choose to be happy, and to spend my time with most exceptional person that I have known...  there is a touch of the surreal to find the present here, alive and beckoning; a reawakening, old aspects realigned, a man restored.  She knows me, and I her - and in this I trust implicitly.

...I am absolutely bouncing off the walls that in 24 hours, I will aboard a plane to see Kashi.  Absotively giddy!!!  *bounce*

Fetish: Chickens.
Vanilla: Taking your partner out for a chicken dinner, hoping that doing so will lead to sex.
Erotic: Using a chicken feather to tickle your partner.
Kinky: Using the chicken as a prop during foreplay or sex sex with your partner.
Strange: Watching chicken porn.
Perverse: The chicken is your partner.

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands


e.e. cummings